Hendrix's Two Dicks

Usually, as far as porn is concerned, I like stuff that’s weird…because you wouldn’t shop at a chain store on vacation. You don’t watch things you can get at home.

I shouldn’t be a household name. I’m a filthy comedian. I deal in subjects that are not popular in every household. A household name is like, you know, um ketchup, you know? Everybody wants ketchup. Ketchup doesn’t hurt anybody.

I do lie sometimes. I do. I like lying. Lying is like magic. You change reality for other people.

If you have a homophobic joke in your act, yeah, take it out. Fuck homophobic jokes. Any joke negative about someone. Hey, you got a joke about your act about midgets? I hope you fucking love it. Is that who you’re taking on? You can talk about anything you want…ANYTHING…that’s the amazing thing about comedy. Someone goes up to you [and asks], “What can I talk about?” Whatever you fucking want. And someone goes “midgets.” You don’t think they’ve had enough?

Jimi Hendrix was black, he had big teeth, and a huge afro, and if he were alive today, I would suck both of his dicks. Do you understand? I’m not saying I even know he had two dicks, but I’m saying I would suck his dick, and then when I was done, if he said, “Now suck this one. This is my other dick. Suck this one, too.” I’d say, “Dude, I’m sucking it.